I lack self-esteem

When I am faced with something unknown, I always feel inferior. Sometimes I even get myself worried till I think of all the negative things about me and how I will be unable to pull through.

I sent letters of application to companies back in December. Only last month and this morning did 2 companies called me offering a placement. Guess what? I already got my placement 2 months ago but it is not from my own application, rather I asked my university to apply for me. I should have called. My mom nagged and nagged me about this. It is not because I am lazy that I did not call any of the companies. I felt very very inferior at that time, thinking that I am nothing, just a speck of dust. My mom would not understand. Probably she went through this before like 30 years ago, and it would be like a pebble blocking her way but it felt like a sky scrapper blocking my way. Same way with how easy SPM would be for me now than 4 years back.

Lesson I hope I learned is to have more faith in myself. I am not that bad....

Interfaith talk 19: Life after death

*Sensitive issue, please stop reading if at any time you find my review is offensive. You have been warned.*

This is what I summarized from the talk from the 4 speakers.

Religion A:

Aim: To be at god's feet (stop of rebirth)

Drive: Good Karma and rebirths

Religion B:

Aim: To live in heaven with fellow believers

Drive: After life justice and believing in ......(the impression I get is fear)

Religion C:

Aim: Get out of the "samsara" cycle (rebirth)

Drive: Achieving balance, no good karma, no bad karma

Religion D:

Aim: Go to heaven, live in pleasure

Drive: Believe in.... and that pleasure is awaiting

Question I asked: When we are reborn we carry the karma of the past but not our memories. What thinking should we have when we are faced with a suffering that is possibly due to bad karma that we dont remember accumulating?

Answer: We must understand that this sufferings are due to karma and accept it openly, whole-heartedly.

What I think: Probably the speaker is right, when you accept something openly, whole-heartedly, it hurts less than trying to reason out, "why me? what have I done?". That said, it is also not easy to accept suffering unlike accepting joy and happiness.

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Unlike the other questions by other students such as, "what is in 'your' heaven?", I think mine is more practical. By asking what your heaven has to offer, are you implying that if the other religion offers a better heaven, I will ditch my religion and join that religion.

This is a personal view, I find it offensive when someone says, I will be punished for not accepting a certain religion when I die.